I'm in love with Sydney Carton

Wow Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is a good book. I've always liked dickens, and his character portraits, but this books was definately a favorite. Granted it was hard to get into at first, all classics are. Everytime i pick up a classic, i think, "why oh why, do i like these novels" but by the end im in love all over again. Nothing worthwhile isnt without some extra hard work to achieve it!

So anyway my favorite character is definately Syndey Carton! Granted his character wasnt particulary the best all the time but in the end he did what counted the most. Juniors or other underclassmen, plug your ears (or cover your eyes), but he gave his life for the husband of the woman he loved. Now how hard is that. It's one thing to die for someone you love but when someone you love loves someone else instead of you, oh man. I mean would i risk my life for someone i didnt really care about, ok was jealous of? hmmmmm, someone i didnt really know very well, except that they got the position i wanted? oh boy. Wow, and yet Jesus died for so many people who hated him and still hate him. Wow, am i humbled. God give me the courage, if ever in that situation to make the right choice!!


only 6 days to senior trip! woot woot. and only 2 full days of school! huzzah. im counting down the hours to freedom.....not really.

sleep glorious sleep.....

im so tired, that once again i find myself stalling so as to avoid starting my mountain of homework. papers, problems, worksheets, flowers, take home tests, to name a few.

I was so tired driving home to day i didnt really brake much, but i didnt go that fast easier i just kinda kept my foot the the same position and used the hand that was not on the wheel to hold an eyelid open. A retired dancer came up from indy for rehearsal to coach us on "Paquita". She was good but really picky. i even knew this cuz ive trained with her before, so i brought an extra granola bar, but still im wiped.I just wanna curl up with a book.... sigh

Last night i think i woke up Meg's parents at like 11:30, sorry.....its Aaron's and Robbie's faults for running out of the woods and scaring me. (i screamed really loud). I also lay on the hood of my car with meg and looked at the stars.... i like stars.
OK so im a warewolf now, or so says Kirby Cotterman (Tyler's little brother), i'm cool but im a warewolf......

Bloody fingers

i took a two day break to be a good girl and do important things like studying for physics and sewing my tutu for the spring show.....i've discovered that sewing tutu's is not for the faint of heart. I have spilt more than a few drops of blood over it. i have measured endless yards of tule. (you'd never believe how much fabric goes into one tutu) and it hurts your legs and arms to sew it cuz you have to hold it between your knees and hand sew it which means scratches from the stiff tule and sore back, neck and legs!

Anywho, im really not meaning to complain. I'm glad senior thesis is over, i didnt spend nearly as much time as i should have on it. ANd as long as i fit in my spanish play costume, and remember most of my lines, im maintaining a good adittude (relatively) about the whole deal.

I finally saw braveheart. It was pretty good. Granted it would have been better if the tracking hadnt gotten off periodically throughout...but i especially liked the parts in relation to his wife. i was so mad when they killed her. But i liked his smooth way of proposing to her. it was pretty smooth. THough i thought she was much much prettier than he is good looking. i mean the whole dread locks deal? maybe not. He was cuter as a little boy!

I should go to bed, but lets see: things to be thankful of for tomorrow:
1) i get to see all my friends
2) i get to learn lots of cool stuff
3)i have a family and teachers who love me
4) i get to get new pointe shoes (finally....and i have no blisters to speak of)
5) i only have to take 2 finals as long as i keep and A in my other classes, and accounting final doesnt count cuz we're doing it now.

Let the Rain fall down and wake my dreams, let it wash away my sanity

Everyone reading this ask meg how prom was, cuz she had so much fun that if you dont ask her, she's gonna burst! or tell you anyways, whichever comes first. :)

Today was too long, and i wished i could have spent more of it outside. The Haynie family came over for easter lunch, and i had no ballet rehearsal (both good and bad) so i talked a while with all of the kids actually but the most fun was talking to Timothy and ???? anywho they're in like 6th and 4th grades and it was so fun and refreshing to talk to kids who are so innocent and exuberant and love life and the small things in it. Its fun to just stop and appreciate the little things.

It was pouring rain a bit ago and i was dying to go out and run in it or sing in it or something just to get away from doing homework, and now its too dark out. well, i guess that hasnt stopped me before, but i still have more uncompleted homework. Y'know im so glad to be taking the year off. Well, i guess i'll still take some classes at Purdue, but still the load wont be the same and then in Peru i'll have no homework, none whatsoever! I need to stop complaining, im trying to work on that but its not really going anywhere. Its like whenever im bored i just complain, even if i dont really mean it. Just to have something to talk about. Im not really THAt ungrateful, it's just.....oh i need to stop making excuses.

I have Hilary Duff stuck in my head. I dont care for her acting ability (what acting ability???) but her songs are sure catchy. (good thing she wrote them herself....)
can you feel it, can you feel it rushing through your hair, rushing through your head, dont let nobody tell you, your life is over.......and i dont know what comes after that.

and this is an older one of hers but i still like it:
Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams, let it wash away my sanity cuz i wanna feel the thunder i want to scream let the rain fall down, im coming clean

Hasta Chow! <-(thats a long story)

sorry

Alright so that last post was morbidly pessimistic. ANd though i dont regret anything i said, i decided maybe i should be a little less moody and complaigning. Actually doing homework strangely (and theres really no way to express how strange a reaction that was considering the homework) good for me and made me feel better.

well i'm going to the passion play now. Have a happy easter everyone!

I HATE SUMMER

i hate humidity!!!! it makes me so angry! i dont do anything and im sweating and i hate the feeling. I like to work hard in order to sweat, not sit around and then you have to take fifteen showers a day just to feel clean. I hate summer. it too makes me angry. (we have common theme here) working is just getting up early to count down the hours until the days over and you can go home and take a shower. Vacations with family are frustrating highlighted by some fun times, and my favorite parts of the summer namely ballet camp and missions trips have been eliminated. So i look to summer as a empty pit of boredom and it makes me want to cry. Yeh i want to graduate just as much as the next senior, but i just want summer to be over.

There's not even a point in trying to look good in the summer cuz you're hair's just going to get frizzy and you'll sweat and smell and GRRRRRR!

The cast party was alright. A few too many people and sweat glands per square inch but still enjoyable none the less. Give a shout out to James for 'crashing it' as was so long contemplated. :) even though i didnt see much of him, anywho i had no desire whatsoever to see the play again. UGGH, i hate watching myself, hearing myself it makes me want to gag! Dance, sing, act, play an intrument, anything i just cant stand it. gross.

sigh. im in a really pessimistic moode, probably due to the weather. I cant think of a single thing to look forward to except the senior trip. but that will be over soon and after that i literally cant think of a single thing at all to look forward to except maybe moving out of the house. I know im being selfish and self centered and complaigning but i honestly dont care right about now.

Well maybe doing homework will cheer me up?
(if you can smell the sarcasm oozing out of that statement you're an idiot).

My biggest fear

I decided a new post was long over due.

Cliche sayings are so annoying like: if at first you dont suceed, try, try again. It makes me so angry to hear it cuz it almost doesnt mean anything anymore, and yet its so true. Why is it that when you fail once, sometimes you just dont want to try at all cuz you're too scar'd from the first failure. That's me, im afraid of failure, but what if something goes wrong? what if? what if? But then on the flip side, when you do persevere in something, and finally suceed, so great is your joy in the sucess, that you forget the first failures. Its the same with pain. Not so much physical as emotional, i dont like to appear not under control (which is of course why i never cry in public......too bad, i cant help that one, but i hate it when i do). Thats what women say when asked if having a baby hurts. Ya, but once you're holding the precious little rotten sinner who'll hate you till they've left the house, you forget all about the pain in the joy of a new life. (note the sarcasm).
But anyways, i guess the lesson is sometimes you gotta just grit your teeth and go through it. Just try again, just poor the hydrogen peroxide on the open wound and let it burn. Unfortunatley though physical pain is so much easier to bear and shorter lived that emotional scars or fears. I'd rather pour hydrogen peroxide over a completely raw foot than..... well, than alot of things, which i dont want to take the time to discuss or pour out. Anywho, its my favorite time of the day (well, night): take a shower and read a good book!!!!!

Ciao, duckies!

random thoughts

grrrrr so now that i've got to sleep in (almost) every day this week, i cant fall asleep (surprise), even though i tried especially hard to get home early tonight, cuz i dont want the rents mad at me. :)

For once in my life i cant think of anything to say....actually, there's been alot more than just once. And tonight i dont want to think about my mistakes from the past, and i dont want to think about my decisions for the future, in fact i just dont want to think! TOO BAD, i have no choice, and now the keyboard lies before me begging to spill my most random thoughts. Well, normally it says: "Hey Tirzah, make a fool out of yourself and write the first dumb things that come to your mind!"

I hate it when i cant concentrate and i know i should. Like whenever im reading Tale of Two Cities, and i really need to pay attention, but i just cant, maybe b/c im listening to someone else's conversation, or just thinking away. Or like in phyisics, my shoulder angel was saying: alright, you had better pay attention cuz this info's really important. But while i'm thinking that im not even paying attention! ANd then i just give up and surrender to sweet day dreams.

..... and they make me happy..... what is happiness?

it's swinging gently on a hamock, under the shade of a tree with the warm summer breeze blowing.
it's curling up in bed with the book you've been longing to read all day.
it's walking alone through the woods, just you and your thought and dreams....
it's singing on the top of your lungs to an empty house or car....:)
it's waking up slowly to a worry-free day (i guess thats an oxymoron)..
it's swinging on a swing, letting your hair fly in your face.
it's finnishing that last set of pirouettes, or fuettes, cleanly with burning toes
it's dipping your toes in cool water in a hot summer day
it's sprinting at the end of a run
it's drinking a tall glass of cool water, when you're really REALLY thirsty
it's the lulling sensation of slipping, slipping from consciouness into sweet, dreamless sleep.......

goodnight

Tirzah's in love. or in pain?

Woops, i decided to 'moderate comments' which means that they have to go through your email, and so i changed it back. (i was a little over-worried about a certain spam....). Anywho comment away, s'all good!

I'm addicted to Jack Johnson now! My friend Chelsea got Jennifer and i hooked on him, and Jenn just burned me a CD ( i know i know, burning is wrong... blah, blah). But i'm in love with his music. Its so soothing!

Speaking of in love. i'm in love with this whole sleeping in deal. YAY!!!! and no homework! the only thing that would make me more happy would be if my toe would heal really fast! I was doing my variation from Paquita, and in one part, i fell off my raw toes, and it hurt extra bad so i just stopped, mid-turn and screamed/grunted in pain. And then kept right on turning and biting my lips. oh well. I guess the screaming is good for me to practice since i need to scream when a wild animal attacks me in the spanish play ( i think). Who the wild animal is to be is so far uncertain. So let's take a poll. Vote for your choice of 'animal' to chew my foot (gross, you dont want to go there, trust me!) and attack me.

1) Stephen Thomas (Rebecca and Chris's 6th grade bro)
2) J.P Logan
3) Mrs. Peacock

or pick someone else.

I have a hot car!!!!!!

Ha, ha fooled ya there! But when i was coming out of Glen Acres for spanish tutoring one of the hispanic girls asked me which car was mine. When i pointed it out she said: "that's so cool!" woot woot!

I would say that i'm going to take time off from blogging due to the tightness of my schedule from now till the end of my life, but unfortunately im addicted to this schtuff.

ANywho Logan's Roadhouse basically said i'm hired as a hostess unless they find someone else who can start working before i can (after graduation), but i'm still applying to more jobs...

I'm glad Sam's here, though i doubt i'll talk much to him, everyone else is all over him, so i figure i'll do him a favor by not acting so sycophantly and asking him the same questions that everyone else will ask him.

Anywho i havent finished watching Pride and Prejudice for the second time yet. i was so rudely cut short when i had to go to school this morning....

I have a jealousy problem!

Know what i could have done today? Jennifer (from ballet) invited me to go to chicago with her and her mom and little sister to see American Ballet Theater perform Le Corsaire. (The Pirate-french). Its such a good ballet, i love it, and also it's ABT!!! That means Sasha Radeski (sigh) and Angel Corella (double sigh) and so many other famous, amazingly beautiful dancers........

But i had a bunch to do today, such as getting pictures together for the senior thinger at church tomorrow night, work on senior thesis, clean the house etc. so the rents said it was best to stay home. And Jennifer just called and said she got 6th row tickets for only $20, and afterward they all went to the stage door and she got a pic with Sasha's arm around her, and several signed her program. I'm SOOOOOO jealous! I know it doesnt mean anything to you, but picture one of your good friends just went to see (insert favorite sports team) play, and then got to meet them and get pics etc. . oh well.

My morning went slowly, but Jenni came over at 12:30 and i drove us over to FACA. I thought i knew how to get there, but i turned one street too early and we ended up driving around random neighborhoods for a while. (OH NO, bad things happen in random neighborhoods....see jenni's post about last night. but at least it was broad daylight). Anywho so we eventually got there and i was glad to see Emily Rausch had got back from FMT safely, and Robbie, but as far as i know everyone else could have died! As much as i love to complaign about FMT, they're a great group and school really wouldnt be the same with out them. The drama, as well as fun would significantly diminish.

Anywho, it was a bit nippy out today, but we stuck it through the first few innings before deciding that the view from the warmth of McDonalds would be better. :) Although i'm not much of a sports connoisseur, i gathered that we didnt play our best, but it was cold, and the first game of the season, and people had been gone on FMT, and the other team had some good hits, from what i saw. So good luck for future games boys! I think the entire Paddock family was there (and Martin family too. We now are well versed in the fact that Mr. Martin really REALLY likes baseball. And mr. blake does too). anywho it took like 3 full cars to transport their family! Thats all right, way to support James!

So i've been home since. ANd my highlight of the evening was finding out that the senior thesis can be 7-9 pages instead of what i thought had to be at least 8 pages. Thats a relief, i was running out of extra places to put spaces in randomly, and margins to scoot over, and words to extend etc. . Its amazing how good one gets at using the thesaurous to look up long forms of the word! JK, mostly i use from words i remember learning from our vocab book, (that we need to have a burning party for). On second thought though, i dont think a single senior still has that book anywhere, or if they do it's been worn to shreds!

Tomorrow, church, then ballet rehearsal, then i'll be late to the evening service. Watch, they'll do the senior thing first, and i'll have to walk in late in front of everyone, and then i'll probably trip and like rip my pants or something. (I have a knack for that). AHHH i'm worrying. dont worry! (i've been working on that, see my other blog....)

I randomly have a ton of energy, i better go run or something. Sitting in front of a computer will do that for ya, so bye!