Reading is my guilty pleasure...

I love to read. Sure reading some dumb ancient diary of a random lady in the negative 13th century can be boring, but reading real books by real authors is quite wonderful.

No matter what has happened in my life, at the end of the day when all my work is done, when it's dark outside, and i'm cozy inside, i take out a book and read and read to my hearts content (well, until my eyelids droop too low to continue). It is my guilty pleasure, because somewhere in the supressed back of my mind i know that i should find something more worthwhile to do at that moment, but sometimes you just need to de-stress.

I can't think of anything (except ballet) that is so antistressful! To be teleported instantly to someones elses world is something you'd pay alot to do, but with the help of a library it's completely free!

i have always said that i don't like to watch tv (i also have no time and recieve all of 2 channels), because i would rather live my own life than watch about someone else's on TV. Well i have a secret: i got that quote from a book, and also the same thing can be said of reading books but realy they are quite different. Cuz honestly no matter how incredibly awesome the actor is, it's still pretty hard to read the character's thoughts, and hear their mind.

I know, i know, movies are better at many things like special effects, but a movie with only special effects and no character is a waste of a lot of money... SO if you agree with me, woohoo, bookies rock, and if not, more power too you, but reading will always be my guilty pleasure...

Beauty

What is the point in beauty? does it make you wiser, stronger or more of anything worthwhile? Sure it's fun to be noticed and attract others, but really how superficial!

i have been told that i'm pretty, though i don't understand why, and even hot (sorry if this offends anyone), even more baffling. I always feel so awkward. So what do you say when someone complements you on your looks? 'thanks, i try' NOT. I always feel so stupid...

But really: what does beauty achieve (and really this is general, i'm really not trying to sound stuck up if it sounds that way, cuz believe me, looking at myself in the mirror everyday is enough to convince me...). Does it make you happy? i have yet to be proven wrong, but no. Sure manipulative persons can use it to make themselves rich or famous, but what's the point? in the end all things are destroyed save the soul.

why should i spend time trying to be beautiful, when the only thing important to be beautiful is the soul. 'Let your beauty be on the inside. A gentle and quiet spirit....' (enormous SIGH).

Yeh i'd be nice to look good for a future spouse, but more important, when i finally meet with my bridegroom on judgement day, it would mean more to me than anything else to have my best friend and lover look me in the eyes and say: "Tirzah, you're beautiful".

The Road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry that i could not travel bot

so starts one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost. it pretty much sums up my life right now. Two roads, and which to take? I stand in the middle of a beautiful but slowly dying woods and would pay any amount to have a quick glance down each path and then make the choice, or even be spared the trouble of making it and just go straight to heaven. Am i so morbid, that i have no great desire to live? No, i could or would never end it myself, but i would honestly be content to die right now. How selfish are my motives that i would rather die and be spared the pains of life that try to bring others with me into eternal bliss. But what difference in the scheme of things? God can use someone else. WHy me? no one else seems to notice me, or would care if someone else were to take my responsibilities.

No, i would hate to be considered a quiter, and though i may not be the best studied for the test of life, i shall prove myself by at least trying. Though i am by far not near the best, perhaps i shall make my own special mark, and for now i will return to my act of loving life.

Girls and Boys

....hmm this is my second post on boys and girls. Maybe I should be phsycologist. (ha,ha :0 ).

Boys are expected, and by girls, to be funny, at times, not to much or too repetitive, but to insert a witty comment after every other line of conversation. I know I'm glad that I'm not a boy, as girls are good only to giggle and approve of the boys' comments, or else to scorn and dash his feelings for being unoriginal or not funny (of which I am neither).
If a boy is popular or cute, she must laugh politely at his sayings even if they are completely stupid, or if she thinks for herself, she is often 'uncool'. A task I deem much easier than having to come up with the original lines.

A boy is suppossed to be the leader, even if the girl is better equiped, but since today so many girls are all about women's rights, it is sometimes reversed in job positions.

A girl in order to be cool, or liked by boys needs to be somewhat independant, enough to make a boy chase her, but not so much as to make him run a marathon just to find her, (exeptions are made at both ends of the spectrum as some boys are especilly fat and lazy, or enjoy running for miles and miles-i don't know how but hope that there are more boys in the world of the later persuasion, since my own tendancies are sadly independant). She must be quiet, because loud girls are annoying, even though of course loud boys are just FINE. She must have a little humor, but not too much lest she embarrass the boy at her wit surpassing his own. She must be short and delicate, dress well, not inclined to tripping on carpets or stairs, but elegant and graceful (to my everlasting chagrin, i can be graceful only when dancing, but the stairs have plotted my downfall, and the carpets jump only at me).

These are my conclusions on the matter. I know that many boys have fallen for girls most uncharacteristic of my model girl, but it seems that the starting line is there, and once a girl gets close enough to these characteristics, exeptions are made as the case varies. And it takes all sorts of people to make a world, as an example myself, of whom would be laughed to shame should anyone accuse me of being short, delicate, quiet, graceful, funny or any other possible thought. I enjoy my independance and I must say that with one exeption I regret nothing about my lack of dating in highschool, (and this exeption has really nothing to do that I regret not having dated, but regret my own imature actions). Really i must say though that highschool is better lived among friends than simply revolving aroung one special person, of whom your only memories will recall that bitter ending of so passionate a 'like'.

That all being said, i would like to hear you're thoughts on the matter, as I know that no one can share the same opinions to a tall clumsy and most unattractive brunette....

Hey there

I thought i'd just post cuz i have nothing else whatsoever to do. This doesn't mean it could become a habit or anything. This weekend was suprisingly fun, despite the amount of tears. (buckets and buckets to say the least). Homecoming was a smashing sucess, I and I sang my lungs out on sat at Ashleys. And for the first time i'm feeling opptimistic about the senior trip. Yay!
Random thought: Joel Benson, you don't have to kiss us on the head every rehearsal!! really that's OK. But i must say it was a nice surprise when i learned that whoever told me that he would be kissing us each on the cheek, was wrong. And 'nice surprise' is a wee bitty of an understatement. Meg, i love ya, and needed ya this weekend, Rebecca too, and Nisha, though she'll never read this. And thanks to all ya great seniors for making this a fun last spirit week, and juniors for being a FRIENDLY rivally, it's so much better when we all get along! Yeh Juniors! This is the third year in a row (if not more) that juniors have won spirit week. Well, i'm out of random thoughts for now see y'all tomorrow morning at school.