prayer

Hear my prayer God. Im desperate for your help. why does it seem that every door thats open is the last thing i'd want to do. What ive spent all my life doing is now pointless. Yes i want to do your will. More than anything else, even if i means doing what i dont want to do right now, but what if it is your will and its my turn to take the initiative, but if i have to go out on my own does that mean its not your will??? Lord, leaving this is leaving my heart. I will rip it out and leave half of it dead in the shadow of a lifeless dream. These tears streaming down my face, is this because its time to say goodbye? or because im afraid to take a chance? or because im afraid to do your will? is it your will?

the last time i had this saying goodbye conversation with you, God, it was different, i knew the only choice i had and the right one was to wait on your timing (which i still am by the way). But this is totally different. Its now or never, i cant wait all my life to decide. But im scared Lord, i need your help and guidance. If that means goodbye forever than..... i cant say it, Lord. If its your will, give me the strenght to do it, so that at the end of life i can have no regrets, but for now to just walk away tears me up. But yet there are times when i think and even convince myself that i cant, im not good enough, surely doing Your will could never mean something that would be a dream come true. Those are only in faerie tales, but yet, why couldnt your will be perfectly awesome?

Oh Lord, forgive my doubting heart, wipe these tears away, stitch my heart up with your words of comfort and above all help me to make the right choice, to go down the right path.

thanks Daddy