ideas of an insomniac...

i cant fall asleep.... which is ironic cuz i'm sure i have a trillion things to do....too many things on my mind, so that simply writing them down isn't enough. But since i can't exactly call any friends at 11:30 at night i guess i'll have to write somemore...

Ever feel like God is sitting up in heaven just watching down on you with a bemused smile on his face. He's probably sitting back, arms crossed, waiting.... waiting for me to understand everything that's happening. I think he spent the majority of my highschool career anxiously watching out for me. 'woops, Tirzah, don't go there.' 'hey, stay here with me.' 'stop rebeling and come back to my arms.', as he had to frequently be watching out for my independance and ego.

Finally after having struggled against him long enough, i've decided that the best place is right here, safe in my daddy's arms. Sure i get restless at times, but in the end i've learned to escape less.

So now he's finally trusting me enough to let me out on my own. I can hear him saying, "OK, tirzah" (notice how he remembers my REAL name is tirzah, not turza or anything else) "here's a scholarship to college. Lets see what you can do with it. Don't forget me! GO on."

ANd so now after all this time having wanted to get away from 'home' i've discovered that it's a big world out there, and i'm just a child. THe world holds such potential, such freedom!!! ..... and yet, what can I do? HOw will God use me?