Monday, October 22, 2007

like children

We are like children arguing what daddy does when he goes away to work.

This analogy came to me when at dinner last night a group of students, myself included, sat around the table debating the place of God in evolution. Each arguing his opinion, some based on truth, some based on what science class or church teaches us. Like children.

In the same way our worship is child-like. Like a child who has no concept whatsoever of the sacrifices that mommy and daddy make for him. Once in a great while when he recieves an especially delightful trinket, he will turn around and thank daddy. In our own selfish ways we sing praises to God. Praises which are appreciated, like a parent appreciates the way his child rarely thanks him, out of his own selfish motives for a cookie. I just get this overwhelming sense that even the most pure motives of worship, the most selfless actions we do, are as a child might offer his toy to his brother becuase he knows that mommy has told him to share.

How deplorable this state we are in. The most intellectual, the most knowledgable, the most "scientific", the most "spiritual" all fall short. As short as jumping would ever land one on the moon.

I can't wait to go to heaven and begin to learn the magnificence and complete awesomeness of our God who accepts us as the children we are.

Monday, October 08, 2007

a scandal and stupidity

My religion professor concluded that Calvin and Luther were wrong about humans having to place their trust in Christ. It was Jesus' faith in God that pardons everyone, not a choice which we make. Jesus was a good exemplary man and we should try to emulate his life and faith, but in the end he died.

He then went on to mention how Pauls says he 'dies daily with Christ' for a belief which according to 1 Corinthians 1: 23 is "a stumbling block (a scandal!) to Jews, and foolishnes (stupidity!) to Gentiles".

I couldnt have said it any better myself. This was one of those rare gems of doctrine coming from that class that was right on target.

Friday, September 28, 2007


Why is it that with some people you take one look at them and immediately know what they're going to look like as on old person? not because these people are particularly ugly, often they are very cute, but you look at them and picture that girl as the sweet little old lady, or that guy as the kind old grandpa who loves his grandkids. And with some people you look at them and have no idea what they'll look like old. these are some of the random thoughts that swim around my head in a day. yourwelcome.

when i get old, if Jesus doesnt return before that time (which would more than fine with me too!) i want to be the kind of "old person" that people come to for advice. I pray that as i live my life i will set a good example for those who come after me. That following God throughout one's life WILL be hard, will be difficult, i know there will be tears of frustration, sorrow and pure pain. I know that i will fail God at times, but i pray when all is said and done, I will have lived my life for God's glory.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

theres alot to be said about the aesthetic nature of silence.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

I get cozy under my soft green blanket, look around at the pictures adorning my walls and I can scarcely remember a time when I was living at home... have I only been here two weeks?

Now that im back into the swing of school and rutienes, I have retreated into social-hermitship. Which is probably as it should be seeing as I aim to get good to know my professors and obtain good grades. I walk into each class between 5 and 10 minutes early to make sure i can get a seat in the front row, and perkilly organize my books and notebooks and await the strike of the hour sitting up straight with pencil poised, like the over-achiever I never thought i'd be. I guess I figured it would come to this eventually... I can no longer afford to be the girl who tuned out the teacher by "sneakily" proping up her notebook and novel behind that.

I walked into my first class on the first day and the professor declared that we were already behind and to never let it happen again. Gulp. there goes my free time... well its okay i dont do alot with my free time (as made obvioius by the fact that im blogging...). I have however joined the "campus crusade for christ" and intend to join a bible study sunday nights, after having attending most probably the baptist church down the block! See there i've just proved... to myself.. that im uhh, very social indeed.

I also have a job as of today (my bank account is very joyful right now, to relieve his parched self). Which i miraculously recieved although i couldnt remember whether the day of the interview was tuesday or today... but seeing as i woke up a half an hour later than the arranged time on tuesday, I decided that for all intents and purposes, it was most definatley scheduled for this morning. I think it was the easiest interview ever, since we chatted about my future plans, and why I liked this university, and then he said training starts wednesday! (horray!) So if you are a highschool student have shown interest in the University of Indianapolis i just may be calling you to answer your questions!

If you are interesting in praying for me, I'd sure appreciate it! Im learning the history of evolution in Biology ... (oh boy)... so maybe that will lead to a discussion at some point with the professor or a classmate. Also I am bringing a girl to church with me on Sunday, who i met randomly during one lunch! thats about it for now, i think of....

(hee hee hee... i just ended my sentance with a preposition! the worst thing EVER according to my english professor...:D hee hee hee)

Monday, July 02, 2007

another bend in the road of life approaches. The last one was beautiful and I miss the Stilwell family and all the wonderful times I had in Peru but I know that the time has come to move on to new things once again. And it is also with great excitement that I prepare to begin college (for real this time!) at the University of Indianapolis. Im honestly not nervous at all, but I pray that God gives me the strenght to continue living for Him and always putting HIM first as I plunge into a secular school where i know one christian.

Im praying about many many things in life, and if you feel so inclined I would love to have your prayers.

-that I would be a city set on a hill, a light in darkness at my university.

-that I would make productive use of my summer no matter what im doing.

-that in my relationships (with family and friends) I would be continually putting their needs before my own.

if theres anything that i can be praying for you about, just respond to this post and let me know!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

shoes too big

Yesterday I went get a yellow fever vaccine for my family's expedition to the rainforest in Colombia come June. I always enjoy 'going into town' in Trujillo, as i can sit quietly and observe life going on around me. I also enjoy for whatever odd reason the city-taxi smell, that can be only found in a taxi in a south american city. Its an oddly comforting smell. We stepped out in front of the public hospital for those without insurance, and I was not surprised to find many people sitting, standing and wandering around. A few young medical students cut through the people, a sharp contrast in their pristine white lab coats. As Kandie says: "I wouldnt take my sick dog to this hospital".

After a surprisingly pain free payment for my vaccine we walked down the block and around the corner to a clinic which specializes in vaccines and particularly baby vaccines, I'd imagine since there was a sign announcing that only monday wednesday and friday were open to such shots. Being a monday, the mothers and babies filled up the benches. We made our way up to the door emitting baby wails. Passing a poster of emeciated babies with the inscription: "is you child sick? -baby diseases", we handed over the reciept for the shot I'd paid for. With that many new borns around the place i didnt think we'd be out of there anytime soon, so we took our place on the wooden benches. I could spend all day describing my observations of the different mothers, the few fathers, and the stories I made up about their home situations. However my eye was drawn again and again to a young mother, who sat silently across from us. Kandie suggested that she was probably all of 15, and suggestion of her being the older sister was invalidated when she began to nurse the child. sad, i thought...taking in all of her, from her tired eyes, her oversized jacket, and her unkempt hair, but her oversized shoes stuck out to me. They were in typical peruvian fashion, that is to say: several inches high, but more than that they were at least 3 sizes too big for her small feet. They must have been her sister's? her mother's? perhaps a gift for this new mother on mother's day? i dont know how she must have walked in them, and its a wander she didnt trip and drop her baby, a tiny pink brand new little thing. Mercifully it slept the whole time, since the mother seemed in no desire to hold it, cuddle it, or otherwise as other mothers around the place did.

My thoughts continued along this venue until i heard one of the ladies turn to her and ask: "How old are you?" My ears perked up, and I listened curiously as I can imagine every other woman in the room did who heard. The mother answered faintly with her eyes downcast, and I didnt even hear what she said. Kandie imediately turned to me and said two words:

"She's twelve."