Living Nativity and a Romance

so i was gonna post last night, but my thoughts were all completely random and they wouldnt assemble themselves to form any coherant thoughts. haha....
but i was thinking this this morning.
okay so this weekend im doing the living Nativity, as i have enjoyed doing since i was old enough to participate. i absolutely love doing it. and this year im doing the scene where the people are mocking Christ on the cross, only its really a plastic figuring thing-er, and to my disappointment it was no longer on the roof.....anywho. So even though i spent half the time out there laughing, which was bad acting on my part, but in my defense it was pretty much involuntary. Alex payne, micheala and anna kept cracking me up. but when we did get into it, we would raise our fists and yell things like: "are you the son of God? come down from there" "you cant even save yourself?" "prove that you are really God's son" and some said "crucify him" which kind of confused me considering that he was being crucified as we spoke...... but anyways.
There were a few moments when yelling things like that made me feel a little guilty! I'd done this scene before, and of course its just acting, and its just to prove a point. but still, i kept having these guilty feelings that God would open up a hole in the ground and swallow us all in for saying such things. and i pondered why i was feeling that way, i mean after all we were acting! and for the purpose of ministering to others.
And then i realized: thats becuase that is really what I say sometimes. Granted not in shaking my fist towards God, and of course not verbally, but in my heart I have blasphemed God, i currently blaspheme God in some aspects of my life, and with my sin nature i know that i will in the future! Every time I'm too proud to trust God. Everytime im too independant to accept his will for my life. Everytime i take matters into my own hands instead of praying about it and trusting God's perfect will, i am shaking my fist in his face and asking if he is Indeed the Son of God. I am spitting on his nail scared feet. How can I? How dare I? do such a thing to my wonderful God, my savior, one whom i call my best friend! Im completely humbled before Him and i have no excuse.

Another thought i had today. I read the most romantic thing today. And it wasnt in a fiction book, or otherwise. I read a card that my mom had written my dad on their aniversary, and also a card that my dad had written my mom on the same occasion. Now i know it may have seemed like snooping, but the cards were sitting out in the open, and im pretty positive that if my parents read this they wouldnt care at all, but would probably smile. Because inside those two card were words of such love and devotion that i could not stop a few tears from running down my face. I've always thought that even more romantic than young couples so crazy about each other, is couples who have been together for a long time and are still and more deeply in love. I hope that this true to life romance will warm your heart as it did mine. (although i did have to ask God's forgiveness for being such a selfish product of such a blessed marriage).


Oh Lord, i pray that I will stop depending on myself and put my hope, my love and my complete trust in your nail scarred hands.

"This is my December........."