I could go on and on about all the things that God has been teaching me in my time here in Peru. many valuable lessons about coming to christ about EVERYTHING in prayer, and the importance in spending each and every moment i can thinking about him, praising him and pondering life in the light of His presence. but anyways one lesson that i have been learning recently is no doubt a long overdue one on my pride....

Normally Evelyn Stilwell, mother of Pastor David with who's family i am living, plays the piano at church. And with the recent death of her father, as well as their upcoming furlough, she and her husband returned to the states on Friday. And i was asked to play the piano for church for the remainder of my stay.....unless someone else soon joins the church who can play the piano!! I took piano lessons for quite a few years growing up, and it has never really been my favorite, as i am always so lazy in sight-reading the music. Plus, it has always been my sister Keilah's forte to excel in all things musical, which i do not begrudge her in the slightest! I have always prefered listening to her play the flute diligently and I still prefer to dance to music then to play it. Something about playing the piano is absolutely terrifying to me. I can sing, or dance in front of people and feel only the thrill of performance, but from my first piano recital.... sitting on the pew nervously arranging my dress clutching my sweaty fingers, dying of axiety for my turn to come next when i would somehow find myself in front of rows of gleaming smiles of anxious parents. about then my heart would collapse inside of me, i would sit on the polished black stool, and speed my way recklessly through my piece, missing notes left and right and not stopping to breathe until long after my parents had hugged me anyways, even though i'd done a misreable job as i did the previous year, and would no doubt do the next.
All that to say, piano isnt my strong point..... the same with volleyball! All the churches in Trujillo are having volleyball tournaments for different age groups on all the saturdays in April. and the 'jovenes' play this saturday. it isnt that i dont know how to play volley ball or that i especially despise it. (albiet standing around only to dash and hit a ball isnt my ideal idea of a fun sport....). its just that i lack the hand-eye coordination, and the focus to play this game. im standing there wishing that the ball will hopefully land no where remotely near me in the meanwhile my mind is wishing for a good old fashioned thunderstorm, thinking about the book im currently reading, praying fervently that i wont embarrass myself too much in playing the piano at church tonight etc.. but nevertheless my pride is irked when i realize that im not playing to my 'potential' and others realize it too.....
with both of these, i am self-proclaimedly lacking! and i have every reason to be completely humble about them!! and yet i allow my pride to make me nervous! i was pondering this all while playing the piano for church this morning.... haha yeh, and i wonder why i muddle my way through many of the songs..... but anyways I realized/decided that I need to be doing this for the purpose of glorifying God. this is so that He is pleased with my efforts, not other people. and while i want so badly to play well and not disappoint the Stilwells, and church members, i wont begin to lose the nervous self-absorbed feeling until i give my efforts up to God. and surely enough i was much more relaxed this evening. granted i was still far from perfect! i have been practicing alot this week and will continue to do so for the remainder of my stay! but I hope that im pleasing God in my efforts, and everyone else can just think whatever they want.